Yes, I Am Alive
Today I read Samson’s story in Judges, and was struck by how watered-down and glossed-over his story is in my remembrances of Sunday school. He was a gruesome, vindictive rebel – the Nazirite vow that he was born into ordered him to abstain from cutting his hair, drinking wine, and touching dead bodies. Yet at the beginning of his appearances in the Bible, he throws a party for a girl as “the young men used to do”… which means wine. He killed a lion, returned to the carcass and found a hive in it, and proceeded to scoop out and eat the honey – and feed it to his parents! Disgusting and odd. And in the middle of his dramatic life, his hair is shorn. That is all three parts of the vow broken. And then there are the many people he killed, the prostitutes he frequented, his insistence on marrying a Philistine woman, and his other acts that show just how warped of a person he was. Distilling the Bible truth down to these behaviours makes me think that Samson was a psycho/sociopath or maybe just insane. So, this man who was supposed to be living an exemplary life for God is just about as opposite from that as can possibly be. And if we think about the physical descriptions of him, he would look extremely scary – between the seven long dreadlocks and the giant muscles, he probably looked like a Rasta Hulk – minus the green.
And yet, even in the midst of all his human weakness and sin, God found a way to use this man. In Judges 14:4, his choice of a Philistine bride is said to be from God – a method to find “an opportunity against the Philistines”. His first mention of God is to call out and basically complain that now that he has killed all the people, can’t God give him a drink? God obliges and Samson, now revived, proceeds to visit another prostitute.
I find it fascinating and refreshing for my soul to read about the mess that Samson was, and to realize that God still worked powerful things through him. Some days I look at the to do list that seems to be a mile long, see the many things that have been waiting for months for the time to get them finished, and wonder if my life and my work is actually worth it. Am I useful to God – is what I do pleasing to Him and furthering His Kingdom? Today, I know that it is – if God can use the crazy life of Samson to work His will, then He can use my willingness – even in my messy and sinful nature – to accomplish what He wants.
So, today – here is a new post for you on this long-neglected blog of mine. I do thank you for reading and following the adventures of my pursuit of God and His call on my life. And today, I recognize that my ability to write regular posts may not exist right now between the 20 five year olds that demand my energy, and the other aspects of life. But I do hope to see you again here soon. My frazzled first year of teaching is slowly winding to a close, and I have many memories and stories to share – and I hope that next year will have more breathing space for me to connect with you here
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Welcome! My name is Katiana and I am a development professional pursuing my dream to live out Isaiah 1:17 to the best of my abilities. I am passionate about teaching and working with vulnerable families and children to improve their lives sustainably.
This blog is composed of my personal opinions, which do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of institutions or organizations that I may be or have been affiliated with.